Reality Check: BITCH, We Ain't Friends!

Sometimes I wish I had no home-training. I wish that I wasn't raised to, generally, respect people because I swear there are some people that could get way worse than a serious side-eye (like Sophia Loren is giving Jane Mansfield in the picture on the right). I'm talking about those pesky interlopers. The ones who always have something to tell you about you and your life when they really don't know you like that. The ones that are always asking you for advice when you really want to say, "Bitch, we ain't friends. I don't give a damn about how you want to live your life." ...But you don't because the polite person inside, the one your mama raised, won't let you be unnecessarily rude to a person who's *technically* never done anything to you.

These so-called "friends" can be found all over. They see you in the club, your favorite lounge or bar. They may be co-workers, classmates, gym buddies, church members, or neighbors. When they see you out, they always try to turn "small talk" into long-winded, deep conversations. They want to dispense their advice on what you should do to improve your life, how you can do better than your significant other, why you should major in *insert subject*. Hold up! When you asked me for advice did I tell you that I think you should probably kick your unemployed baby daddy out, move back in with your parents (who are offering to help), go back to school, and look out for you and your kid - NOT, his sorry ass. No, I just half-way listened and told you, "I don't know what to tell you, it's your decision." So why is it that when you see me you feel like you have to offer me your unsolicited opinions and advice. I didn't ask you and, besides, you're probably one of the last people on this planet I'd seek advice from.

It is my experience though that their favorite hang out is social networking sites. These Facebook "friends", twitter followers, Myspace "friends", and what have you feel the need to interject on everything you say/do/post. They tag you in notes that have nothing to do with you or that no one who isn't one of their close personal friends would or should care about. They hit you up on Facebook chat to ask if you read said note and, if so, what you think about it. I just don't get it. Yes, I know you but I don't know you so why are you so damn interested in my opinion? Why are you all up on every status I write. Stop commenting on all of my pictures, THAT'S WHY I BLOCKED YOU FROM VIEWING THEM. You're on the limited list now because you didn't know how to be nosy without being obvious about it.

We've all been a little guilty of it, it's true. Especially, passing judgment on those we don't really know well enough to speak on but that's where I like to end it - at judging. I do not seek these people out to give them my two cents on their life. After all, they're not my real friends. They're just people I'm cordial to, people that I happen to know and don't have a problem with. This loose camaraderie does not give me an open forum on their life.

So this is to all you fake friends out there who don't know your role. The next time you're dispensing your ~worldly knowledge~ to someone who appears annoyed or disinterested, just know that they're probably thinking, "BITCH, we ain't friends!"



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