I Wish I Never Sucked Your Dick (An Ode to Bad Decisions)

(Just in time for UK National Poetry month, even though I'm American. lol)

I wish I wasn’t raised on Southern values and charm
because then I’d wouldn’t speak to strangers
and I’d never had met you that night
I wish I wasn’t a full –time Facebook Creeper
because then I wouldn’t have added you as a friend
and you wouldn’t have hit me up on Facebook Chat
and we wouldn’t have exchanged AIM screenames
and we wouldn’t have talked all night
and I wouldn’t have agreed to hang out with you
and we wouldn’t have gone to your house
and we wouldn’t have lain down in your bed
and I wouldn’t have let you kiss me or unbuckle my belt
But what’s most important to understand
Is that I never would have sucked your dick

Now, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life
Been a drunk whore a time or two or three
Making out with friends exes
Tried to walk out into traffic once
Slept with my ex’s best friend
But for every horrible mistake I’ve made
I know the frame of mind I was in
and I tend to regret the action, not the experience
I do my best to learn from my mistakes
but I don’t know what I am to make of this
when I can’t even understand why I ever sucked your dick

I went through the normal check-list:
Drunk? Nope
Drugs? Never
Roofie? Not even
Emotional Stress? No more than usual
Attraction? Not even slightly.
Personality? Yours sucks.
The best I could come up with
is that being up for over 24-hours led to sleep deprivation
and my state of mind was altered, judgment impaired
But shouldn’t sleepiness make me lazy?
Shouldn’t it make me not want to suck a dick?

I just can’t seem to sort through it
and I sincerely wish it never happened
when it was over, you asked me what was wrong
as I sat on the bed paralyzed from my actions
trying to understand what I’d done and why I’d done it
Did I feel sorry for you?
When you begged, you said it’d been so long since…
Was I just a slut?
No, couldn’t be. Many a more desirable dick I had turned down.
So then, what?
WHY THE HELL DID I SUCK YOUR DICK?

I erased you from my phone
I had to block you on AIM
I need to delete you on Facebook
and unfollow you on twitter
because every time I see your stupid rap name
I could nearly black out from the rage
and I know it’s not your fault but I just keep picturing
your nasty ass dick coming at me like a torpedo
and I just want to gargle with boiling water
because, though its been months, I still can’t wash it away
I guess the lesson I can take away from this is
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to
and I could’ve sworn that was a lesson I knew
but I guess I’m learning it all over again
I accept that this is my shame to live with
and I should be happy there weren’t other consequences
but the fact remains that not a day goes by
that I don’t wish I never sucked your dick

My New Mobile Life

So, I destroyed my laptop charger months ago and was using my friend's until she needed it back the other day and now I'm living my life mobilely (is that a word) for the time being. I really miss Eugene (my laptop) though, he's my booski.

I've been checking my various social networking accounts via my iPod Touch and my crappy cell phone. I'd use the desktop but it's decided to rejects its mouse and my parents' son's laptop is virus ridden, so using that frustrates me. All of this forces me to be mobile. I feel so undercover. It's weird. It has, however, given me a new game to play. I like to type in random addresses to see who has a mobile site and who doesn't. Did you know Tar-Jay (Target) has a mobile website and so does the United States Postal Service. 711 doesn't though, that really upset me.

I'm currently using the "lite" (free) version of some iPhone/iPod Touch app to write this strudel. My new charger was allegedly sent out Monday, Oct. 5, 2009 through the USPS so I guess I can expect it here by Christmas. Until then, I'll be spending way too much time with my iPod and cell phone.

And just so we're clear, this is the jam:



- Posted using BlogPress from Princess McFeely [my iPod touch aptly named by Lessy F. Baby]

Reality Check: BITCH, We Ain't Friends!

Sometimes I wish I had no home-training. I wish that I wasn't raised to, generally, respect people because I swear there are some people that could get way worse than a serious side-eye (like Sophia Loren is giving Jane Mansfield in the picture on the right). I'm talking about those pesky interlopers. The ones who always have something to tell you about you and your life when they really don't know you like that. The ones that are always asking you for advice when you really want to say, "Bitch, we ain't friends. I don't give a damn about how you want to live your life." ...But you don't because the polite person inside, the one your mama raised, won't let you be unnecessarily rude to a person who's *technically* never done anything to you.

These so-called "friends" can be found all over. They see you in the club, your favorite lounge or bar. They may be co-workers, classmates, gym buddies, church members, or neighbors. When they see you out, they always try to turn "small talk" into long-winded, deep conversations. They want to dispense their advice on what you should do to improve your life, how you can do better than your significant other, why you should major in *insert subject*. Hold up! When you asked me for advice did I tell you that I think you should probably kick your unemployed baby daddy out, move back in with your parents (who are offering to help), go back to school, and look out for you and your kid - NOT, his sorry ass. No, I just half-way listened and told you, "I don't know what to tell you, it's your decision." So why is it that when you see me you feel like you have to offer me your unsolicited opinions and advice. I didn't ask you and, besides, you're probably one of the last people on this planet I'd seek advice from.

It is my experience though that their favorite hang out is social networking sites. These Facebook "friends", twitter followers, Myspace "friends", and what have you feel the need to interject on everything you say/do/post. They tag you in notes that have nothing to do with you or that no one who isn't one of their close personal friends would or should care about. They hit you up on Facebook chat to ask if you read said note and, if so, what you think about it. I just don't get it. Yes, I know you but I don't know you so why are you so damn interested in my opinion? Why are you all up on every status I write. Stop commenting on all of my pictures, THAT'S WHY I BLOCKED YOU FROM VIEWING THEM. You're on the limited list now because you didn't know how to be nosy without being obvious about it.

We've all been a little guilty of it, it's true. Especially, passing judgment on those we don't really know well enough to speak on but that's where I like to end it - at judging. I do not seek these people out to give them my two cents on their life. After all, they're not my real friends. They're just people I'm cordial to, people that I happen to know and don't have a problem with. This loose camaraderie does not give me an open forum on their life.

So this is to all you fake friends out there who don't know your role. The next time you're dispensing your ~worldly knowledge~ to someone who appears annoyed or disinterested, just know that they're probably thinking, "BITCH, we ain't friends!"



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Now playing: Sam Sparro - Pocket
via FoxyTunes