Friday, October 30, 2009

Who Gon Check Me Boo?

Hello! I haven't forgotten about you!

Quick updates from the land of mobile strudeling:

When I started strudeling again I almost chose Tumblr but I didn't know anything about it. Now, I know plenty about it and I want to move my strudel there. This move will happen sometime in November because that is when I get my new Laptop. Eugene has decided that he will not charge at all so I give up, I'm buying a new one for my birthday. Anyway, wish me luck y'all! I'll be 23 on the 19th of November so until then... Follow me on Twitter!

Also, I'm aware the title of this post has nothing to do with anything. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from Princess McFeely [my iPod touch aptly named by Lessy F. Baby]

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

October 11, 2009

At midnight, on October 11, 2009, I was just waking from a nap and sorting through piles of clothes in my room. I was looking for an outfit to wear to DC the next day for the National Equality March. I wanted something bright, colorful. I wanted to look good. I wanted to look approachable. I wanted something that said, Greetings! I come in peace. I couldn't settle on one outfit so I sat several to the side and tried to focus on getting some sleep before my (early for me) wake up call. It was a tough sell for my body. All the nerves and thoughts were keeping it up. Will it be awkward? Will there be a good turnout? Will I actually see Lady Gaga? Will I actually walk the whole march, or give up? Will I be able to handle the backlash? I wasn't entirely sure what would be in store for me the following day but I knew one thing: I was going to do my part in standing up for equality and I didn't give a damn what anyone else had to say about it.

I ended up wearing a lame outfit. Opting for practicality over fabulosity. I had to account for it being October in the DMV, my tendency to be colder than the rest of the world, and my need for pockets. I ate a heavy breakfast, packed my backpack, grabbed two bottles of water and headed for the Metro. As I pulled up, I saw a large group of people marching with rainbow flags and I couldn't hide my excitement on my face. I later discovered that the large group of people were all from Vermont and that was when I realized, this was going to be epic.

I arrived in DC just after 10am and the meeting place (15th & I) was not as packed as some people seemed to think it would be but I kept reminding them, it was still early. I was right. By 11:30, I couldn't see much of anything but people and rainbows. It was a beautiful sight. I was so proud in that moment. I was proud of my race, the human race that is. I was even proud of my country. Proud that we can have a moment like this. Even the cops weren't being too big of assholes. It was such an awesome feeling. The best part of it was that there was an overwhelming feeling of love. This march, this rally was not about hate. It was about love. I know that it was specifically about equality and rights for ALL people, but on a larger scale - it was still about love. The amount of love and camaraderie I witnessed was inspiring and telling. Maybe this world isn't so bleak as I usually think it is. Maybe there is hope for us after all.

I was happy to find every person so friendly and approachable because I rode solo. I know this is probably strange to most people, especially considering I'm straight and have a horrible sense of direction (two things that have nothing to do with each other but are both true) but I was not going to let this pass me by just because I didn't have someone to go with. I want to be able to look back on my life and know that when the times were changing, I stood up for what I knew was right. I found several people who were willing to have me march with them. These two nice gentleman from Houston, TX were keeping me company early in the AM and even gave me a flag because I didn't have any rainbow pride. :) Overall though, the various members of the International Socialist Organization (ISO) that I encountered made the largest impression. It was with ISO and my new group of friends (Nicole, Luis, Katy, Nicole's fiance with the awesome beignet beads who's name I can't remember, and another girl who's name I can't remember but only because she came later) that I marched to the capital with, in the end.

Overall, my experience at the National Equality March was more than positive. I expected to see so many people protesting what we were doing. I expected to be treated with hostility by law enforcement. I thought I would get many more looks coming home on the Metro, holding my Rainbow/Equality Flag. None of my negative expectations came true and I was pleasantly surprised. I did leave early because I was so tired, hungry, and I was actually starting to feel sick. I didn't want to though. The speeches I got to hear before I had to leave were powerful and smart. Many of them mentioning how important it is that us young people understand that we are extremely necessary in this movement, this fight. I can't say enough, how proud I was yesterday of people. I read that there were 200,000 people marching yesterday but I swear to you if felt like 2 million. Two million new best friends out there trying to make a change for the better.

With that, I'll say one final piece and post some pictures. I support the LGBTQ community. I always have and I always will. I am for human rights and whether you like it or not, the LGBTQ community are humans too. Don't tell me you are for human rights but you don't support them. That makes no sense. I try to be respectful toward others and their right to have different opinions but I really don't understand people who feel that all people shouldn't be treated as equals. Whether you like their "lifestyle" or not, it should be obvious that they should have the same rights you and I do. So, I will forever be their ally and will always try to do my very best to support and aide them in their fight for equality. In the end, it's not just their fight, it's all of ours. And even though my legs are burning right now, that just means I need to work out more often because I'd do that march 100x over. I won't shut up and I won't give up until we are all equal. That is all. Enjoy my pictures. :)

Now playing: Dragonette - Liar
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I Wish I Never Sucked Your Dick (An Ode to Bad Decisions)

(Just in time for UK National Poetry month, even though I'm American. lol)

I wish I wasn’t raised on Southern values and charm
because then I’d wouldn’t speak to strangers
and I’d never had met you that night
I wish I wasn’t a full –time Facebook Creeper
because then I wouldn’t have added you as a friend
and you wouldn’t have hit me up on Facebook Chat
and we wouldn’t have exchanged AIM screenames
and we wouldn’t have talked all night
and I wouldn’t have agreed to hang out with you
and we wouldn’t have gone to your house
and we wouldn’t have lain down in your bed
and I wouldn’t have let you kiss me or unbuckle my belt
But what’s most important to understand
Is that I never would have sucked your dick

Now, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life
Been a drunk whore a time or two or three
Making out with friends exes
Tried to walk out into traffic once
Slept with my ex’s best friend
But for every horrible mistake I’ve made
I know the frame of mind I was in
and I tend to regret the action, not the experience
I do my best to learn from my mistakes
but I don’t know what I am to make of this
when I can’t even understand why I ever sucked your dick

I went through the normal check-list:
Drunk? Nope
Drugs? Never
Roofie? Not even
Emotional Stress? No more than usual
Attraction? Not even slightly.
Personality? Yours sucks.
The best I could come up with
is that being up for over 24-hours led to sleep deprivation
and my state of mind was altered, judgment impaired
But shouldn’t sleepiness make me lazy?
Shouldn’t it make me not want to suck a dick?

I just can’t seem to sort through it
and I sincerely wish it never happened
when it was over, you asked me what was wrong
as I sat on the bed paralyzed from my actions
trying to understand what I’d done and why I’d done it
Did I feel sorry for you?
When you begged, you said it’d been so long since…
Was I just a slut?
No, couldn’t be. Many a more desirable dick I had turned down.
So then, what?

I erased you from my phone
I had to block you on AIM
I need to delete you on Facebook
and unfollow you on twitter
because every time I see your stupid rap name
I could nearly black out from the rage
and I know it’s not your fault but I just keep picturing
your nasty ass dick coming at me like a torpedo
and I just want to gargle with boiling water
because, though its been months, I still can’t wash it away
I guess the lesson I can take away from this is
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to
and I could’ve sworn that was a lesson I knew
but I guess I’m learning it all over again
I accept that this is my shame to live with
and I should be happy there weren’t other consequences
but the fact remains that not a day goes by
that I don’t wish I never sucked your dick

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

My Hair Is "Good Hair"

I woke up this morning and decided to check twitter on my iPod Touch (Princess McFeely). My home screen was buzzing with everyone going in on Whoopi Goldberg for her idiotic comments on The View this morning over the documentary "Good Hair". Whoopi wanted to enlighten people on the real reason black women choose to "straighten" their hair. According to Ms. Goldberg, the roots of of the problem aren't that deep. We're all just lazy.

"It's not to have straight hair like white people - the reason black women want straight hair is because it's more manageable. ...The whole thing for black women and their hair is they don't want to take the time with it."

*PAUSE* That's what I had to do when I read the first half of that quote on Twitter. Was she for real? Did she really just gloss over any historical facts and reality? Of course, she did. She's Whoopi "rape-rape" Goldberg! Of course! She is the woman who told Ted Danson black-face would be hilarious and totally okay. So why be shocked by her ignorance today? I'm not. I'm also not shocked that Sherri "that pregnant man is is WOMAN" Shepherd co-signed. If you watch the clip she gave some sob story about how she HAS TO wear wigs and weaves to "protect" her real hair from the evils of Hollywood hairdressers. She even told of how one time a hairdresser put baby powder in her hair to soak up the oil. SAY WHAT NOW? Why the hell would you EVER let someone put baby powder in your hair? As an adult, no less? You're losing me Sherri. All of this got me so hot that I had to come and strudel on my parents' son's virus filled laptop to properly express my rage at Whoopi, Sherri, The View, ABC, the World.

Part 1: Straight Hair is NOT more Manageable
This picture is of me and my BEAUTIFUL hair in its natural curly, kinky, good, bad, however you choose to feel about it state. I love it. I took this picture just a few hours ago, fresh out the shower. This is what my hair looks like, point blank period. I put a little leave-in conditioner, or root stimulator, or whatever I have laying around and I let it air dry and that's it. As it dries it looks shorter but the texture remains the same. So what I've just described here is that I basically get out the shower and let my hair go. I leave it alone. You tell me, what is more manageable than that? My friend in my head, Bassey Ikpi, said Whoopi has dreads because she's lazy. I think that may be true. Despite the fact that trying to force my hair into an unnatural state is harmful to it, it just takes too much damn effort. Way more than getting out the shower and going. If I want to straighten my hair I have to wash it with special shampoos and conditioners and then blow it dry with a special brush and heat protectants. Then I follow that up with a ridiculously hot flat iron and this expensive stuff called Biosilk Silk Therapy. It's either that or I go get another relaxer that destroys all my beautiful curls and makes my hair unhealthy. Now, I'd lie to you if I said I don't like the way my hair looks straight but I like my hair period. I think it's beautiful, mainly because it's MINE. That being said, straight hair is in NO WAY more manageable. Has Whoopi ever spent 3 hours (or more) with a flat iron? Has she ever had to sit with burning chemicals in her head for 20 minutes (or however long it takes, I really don't know), have it washed out only to sit under a dryer for 45 minutes to an hour and THEN get it styled. Repeat again in 6 weeks, give or take. Wow! Your hair is straight now, problems gone! Just don't get it wet and don't forget to "wrap" it at night and tie it up! Sleep on a silk pillow, it helps! Be sure to allow extra time when getting ready to possibly flat iron out a few spots that got messed up in sleep. No, but straight hair is totally more manageable. Way more so than letting your hair be how it's going to be.

Part 2: We Are NOT too Lazy to do Our Hair
Black hair is a billion dollar business. We have our own aisle at the store. Many black hair salons are known to refuse walk-ins on a regular basis. How many little black girls with 100 braids and barrettes does Whoopi need to see before she realizes we are NOT too lazy to do our hair or our kids hair? I hardly ever see black women without their hair done or styled. I don't know what the hell she's talking about. The amount of effort that goes into relaxers alone says the majority says we don't mind having to "take the time with it." Whoopi, your logic is flawed.

Part 3: What is it then?
Why is the whole world trying to paint a more simplistic picture of this complicated issue. The first step to solving a problem is to admit the problem. I can sit right here and admit that, though I never found natural hair ugly, I used to think that straight hair was the prettiest. Why? Speaking from a personal level, a lot of it had to do with the way people reacted to me and my long, straight hair. I used to want to be Aaliyah and every one fawned over my hair. I basked in the attention. I don't fault myself; I was a child. It pissed my mother off though and I didn't understand why then but I do now. My mother has ALWAYS preferred my hair in its natural state. The look I was born with. The look that is half of her. It must hurt to know that not only does the world reject you but they reject your child. Is my hair pretty straight? Yes. But, like I said, it's pretty always. I think it's telling that Whoopi, in the video, spoke of a little girl looking at a blonde-haired white woman and wanting to be white for the advantages she perceives that it would bring, an easier life. That little girl is not wrong though. It's not in our heads. Long straight hair is the broad standard of beauty but it is something that most black women are not born with. We are being told before we can speak that who we are is not good enough. It hurts me when I hear my little cousins, 3 and 4, speak on light vs. dark, nappy hair vs. good hair. It hurts me that their mother has already put relaxers in their hair. I had to BEG, and I do mean BEG my mother for years because she was not having it. Why are we teaching our daughters to alter themselves, to eventually hate themselves? Why do I have to scratch my head to think of famous women who wear their hair natural? It's so easy to say straight hair is just easier to deal with. A weave is just easier to deal with. All of that is easier to say than the truth. White hair is easier for me to deal with. The closer to white, the closer to right. If it's in my head then why do I notice more hostility towards me when my hair is natural. Why do even I know better than to wear my hair natural to a job interview? Why do so many men still have a light-skinned/good hair fetish, if it's all in my head? If it's all just about manageability and laziness? No, it's not that simple. Not by a longshot. I don't know how we as a people will heal but I know it has to start with acknowledgment of the issue and acceptance of who we are.